July 20, 2007

Riding the Tiger

The symbol of the most noble Kingdom of the East is a Tiger, and my husband has just said that I need to learn how to ride one. I was just about to go to bed, but found two letters in my mailbox; turns out one from someone who wants to start running A&S 50 sessions in her home Kingdom, and the other is from a Kingdom I have never even heard of before tonight (sad, but true.)

While these are both *amazing* things, since they mean that the project is growing and that folks are actually interested, it is making me panic a little bit too...

I have hoped that this would happen, but now that the Challenge has hit a growth spurt, I'm not really sure how to handle it. I have known that I'm going to need to let go of this to some extent to let it *run,* but I can't help but be afraid of where it might go without me there to guide it in person. It isn't like the Challenge is my adult child, capable of making decisions for itself; I would be letting other speak for ME. My concept, my goals... how do I know that other presenters will, well, get it *right?*

Obviously, others may have ideas that make the Challenge even better, but there is always that chance that I, and the project, will be grossly misrepresented. If someone ran an A&S session and stomped on someone's dream or inexperience, I would feel like I owed them an apology for letting that person speak for the project, but the project can't grow unless I DO let others speak for it.

Part of me wants to 'screen' people - get to know them a little before I 'approve' of their representing me. And, yet, I know that they wouldn't be representing ME (even though this WAS my baby), but the project, which belongs to all of us now. I guess I'm trying to figure out my role in the larger 'organization' now that it isn't completely housed under my one roof here in the Freehold.

One of my guiding principles behind the challenge is that no one can tell another person that they are doing the Challenge *wrong.* We each have our own independant goals, and I hope that the Challenge (and its community) will help many people to reach theirs. To that end, I guess I really just want to be the philosophical leader of the project - folks can work out paperworky stuff, meetings, exhibitions, etc as they like, and as would fit their communitiesand their needs, but the Philosophy behind the project; THAT I feel called to keep tabs on, even at a distance.

I don't want to manage, but I think that I need to guide. Now the question is HOW...

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